Earlier, I wrote a post about how God is stronger than our fears, stress, and pain. This weekend made me realize something else: He is also bigger than my disability.
We spent the weekend at the lake, and yesterday, I asked my dad if I could go on a jet ski ride with him. Despite the fact that it would probably hurt their backs and that it would be difficult, he and my mom helped me get into the jet ski, which was… an ordeal. But my legs are so tight that I couldn’t ride it- the pain from the way it stretched me was too intense to bear.
It was frustrating. It was so, so frustrating. I hate it when my cerebral palsy prevents me from doing something I want to do- it makes me feel like my disability controls me. But I think what’s worse is the knowledge that no matter how much I stretch, how much physical therapy I have, or how much I wish I could change it, my battle with my disability is one I’ll always have to fight.
Long after the physical pain disappeared from my legs, the emotional pain remained. I was discouraged, I was upset, I was frustrated. I felt trapped and bound by my disability. I felt like I was a puppet and my disability pulled my strings. After a few minutes, I did the only thing I could think to do: I closed my eyes and prayed.
The night before, I had asked Him to help me overcome CP. I’d asked Him to walk with me as I learn how to live independently; I asked Him to carry me through it, because I can’t do it alone. So this time, I did something else: I thanked Him. I thanked Him for my family, my friends, the beautiful sunshine, His love, and His blessings. And as I prayed, I realized something: He was so much bigger than what I was feeling. He was bigger than my frustration, my pain, and my disability. I realized that while there are times when I’m discouraged or frustrated, I’m never alone. He’s always right next to me, and He’s with me every day, every minute, every moment. And I realized something else: He is so much bigger and stronger than my disability.
*Photo via Google