Cerebral Palsy · Faith · thoughts

The Two Sides to Cerebral Palsy

I came to the realization the other day that there are two sides to cerebral palsy: the side that is beautiful, and then the side that’s ugly.

Lately, I feel like I’ve been living in the ugly side- the side that’s filled with anger and frustration and tears and pain. So often lately, I find myself wishing I could snap my fingers and change all of this. I’d get rid of the walker, fix my bent knees, and be able to live independently, without any assistance whatsoever. So often, I try to do something myself and am overcome by anger and frustration. I’m angry at myself for not being able to do it, and frustrated for the same reason. I feel like my disability is a chain that’s confining me and holding me back, and I hate it. I hate that things are so hard and frustrating, and I hate that I have to jump so many extra hoops to be able to go away to college. So often, I’ve found myself questioning God’s plan and wondering why I have to go through all of this. That’s the side I try to hide; I push it in and hide it behind smiles and encouragement.

But then, there’s the beautiful side of my CP, the side that gives me a platform to be an inspiration and make a difference. I saw that side last Sunday, when I gave a sermon about my sweet friend Kate. People came up to me and thanked me for sharing her story, which reminded me that this is about something bigger than myself. It’s the side I see whenever I’m with Tim Tebow, because he always makes me feel so special. I talk about him all the time-all the time- and I realized the other day that that’s why: because he and his foundation put the beautiful part of my disability at the forefront of my mind instead of its outskirts. And it’s what I was reminded of today, when I watched the amazing video of a boy with CP score a touchdown. He reminded me that no matter how hard or frustrating it gets or how much I hate it, God’s got a purpose for me and my CP. He’s going to use it for good; He’s going to use me to spread His light and love, which is all I want to do. I want to shine for Him. I want to be His Hands and feet. So when the tears flow and the frustration is overwhelming, I have to take a deep breath, say a prayer, and remember that God is in control… always.

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2 thoughts on “The Two Sides to Cerebral Palsy

  1. Keep remembering that God DOES have a purpose even in your frustrations and anger at your limitations. I pray that the Lord continues to give you His strength in your weakness and I know He will. I have a true story to share with you: I know a young man who is paralyzed completely from his waist down and has very limited use of only one of his hands, the result of a diving accident in a swimming pool during his high school graduation party. He has endured so much and is totally reliant on others YET he was determined to attend college a couple of hours away from his home to begin his dream of becoming a pharmacist even though it has taken him several years to get to that place. He will be graduating from college next year and just passed his GRE test to attend graduate school after that. How did he do all of this? With God’s help and the prayers of many folks on his behalf and by never giving up or giving in. You can do it too!

    Liked by 1 person

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