My Writing

They Stand Ready: A Poem

Angels are around you,

You are not alone

They stand ready

To protect you when storms come,

They stand ready

To wrap you in their wings when you come undone

They carry a shield of light,

And as you walk up a mountain,

With you they’ll climb

You think you’re in the midst of an impossible battle

What you don’t know is

You’re not alone in the fight

They stand ready

To protect you

To hold you

To love you

They stand ready

They’re always on guard

They surround you on all sides

And are always in your heart

Cerebral Palsy · My Writing

The Reality of Cerebral Palsy

I wrote this yesterday, and I've debated on whether or not to share this ever since. It's not quite as positive or uplifting as some of my other posts, but it's real. This is honesty and vulnerability in its purest form, and while my goal is to be positive and encouraging, I want to be honest and truly show what having a disability is like. I penned this after I had to do something in a different way than everyone else, and I was embarrassed because of it. The stares that came my way made me feel vulnerable in a painful way, and the gratitude I felt when a friend of mine unknowingly made that pain disappear. Please let me know what you think in the comments!

Something changes in the moments when I feel defined by my disability.

Knots form in my stomach, and self consciousness tightens my muscles, making an already difficult task even harder. I become acutely aware of every single sound, every single movement, every single voice in the room as I struggle to breathe through the pain that has overtaken me: Please don't stare at me. Please don't think any differently of me. Please understand. Please. Please.

I'm cloaked in uncomfort and drowning in embarrassment. I'm sorry I can't do this on my own. I'm sorry this is so difficult. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm crying out, but the pain is so intense I can't say a thing. I can't even make my lips form a prayer to call on the one person who could possibly ease my nerves. Look into my eyes. Don't you see how this affects me? Can't you tell that I don't want to do this?

I long to be normal. I long to be able to complete every day tasks with ease, to be able to live without being bound by ropes that were tied without my permission. In this moment, trapped by an ocean of pain, I can't even remember that I was dealt this deck of cards for a reason. I can't do anything, other than try to soothe the monster that won't be tamed.

But just as it becomes too much, just as the ocean overtakes me, you reach in and pull me out. Your smile is my raft; I float upon your kindness. Please keep talking. Please make this go away.

Your voice untangles my ropes, and I'm able to rub the redness from my wrists. As our words flow, the monster disappears and I become Robyn again. Your stories are the dam that stops the rushing adrenaline, your laughter is the salve that relaxes my clenched muscles. You comfort me, you calm me, you revive me. Without knowing it, you've put me back together, and all at once, I can breathe again.

Faith · Florida Gators · thoughts

Blind Faith

Since I was six years old, it's been my dream to go to the University of Florida. I've always wanted to live in Gainesville-my favorite place on this planet- and truly be able to say, "I'm a Gator." But now that the time has come to start applying to schools, I'm not sure if I even want to submit an application.

You see, despite the fact that I've taken the ACT twice and the SAT once, my score isn't that great. It's not terrible, but it's not amazing, either. And since I made my first B last semester, my unweighted GPA is no longer a 4.0. Knowing that the chances of my getting into UF are slim, I haven't looked up when their application is due or what all they want in it. I don't want to get my hopes up just to have them shot down.

I want to make something clear: I'm not afraid to fail. That's not it at all. I don't want to set myself up for heartbreak. Because if I apply and then I find a letter in my mailbox that says, "Thank you for applying. However, we unfortunately cannot accept you at this time" my heart will shatter. I'll be crushed. If that happens, that means I'll have to sit there and watch my dream slip from my fingertips.

Yet I can't help but think God's put passion for the Gators in my heart for a reason. I can't help but think there's a reason I love Florida the way I do and Gainesville feels like home. There are no accidents. He does what He does for a reason, and He's got a plan that is good and perfect. There's a reason applying to UF has come up twice in as many days. There's a reason a little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering, "What if? What if it works?" In the words of one of my favorite Rascal Flatts songs, "I've seen You make miracles, and hopeless dreams come true/ You made the heavens and the stars/Everything/Come on, how hard would it be…" If He created this beautiful Earth, He can help me get into a college… Right?

Somehow, just writing this has helped calm the tumultuous wave of emotion I've been feeling. I'm not sure if I'll get in, but there's only one thing for me to do: Try. Take a breath and trust God. Sometimes, you have to take a leap of blind faith.

My Writing

A New Writing Project

I posted Friday about the first day of my senior year, and yesterday, I decided that a goal of mine this year will be to work on and complete a story I just began by the day I graduate.

I might’ve mentioned it, but for a few years now I’ve been working on a novel, whose storyline and characters are near and dear to my heart. In fact, I’ve worked with them for so long and poured so much of my life into their story that they’ve become a part of me. Even as I embark on this new writing journey and begin the process of getting to know my new characters, I’ll continue working with them. I need to tell their story like I need air to breathe and water to survive.

But at the same time, I need new themes. There are aspects of my life that need to be laid in ink, and they won’t fit into my book. Independence and strength are two of my major focuses right now, and I want-I need– to write something with those two things as the focal points. My goal this school year is to grow and become stronger, and I need to do those things as a writer, too. This story will allow me to do that, as it’s so different from anything else I’ve written before.

I love the thrill of a new beginning. I love the fire that a new idea brings, and I’m excited to learn about these characters and get to know them. I can’t wait to see how my life will seep onto its pages and into its characters, because it always does. It’s inevitable, and often, the aspects from my life shape what my stories become.

I can’t wait to delve into this project and get to watch my characters grow and develop, and I’m beyond excited to share this journey with you.

My Writing

The Vow

She was tired of not feeling good enough.

So many times in the last week, she'd felt weak, tired, and exhausted. She couldn't count how many times she'd wondered if she'd said the right thing or done the right thing or sounded smart enough. She'd always been a people pleaser, but now, she was tired of it.

She was tired of molding to others' opinions and always being what she thought everyone wanted her to be. She was tired of the constant worry, the constant second-guessing, the constant self doubt. She was stronger than that. So she made herself a vow.

She vowed that for once, she'd put herself first. She vowed she'd fight for her dreams in a way she'd never fought for them before. Because you know what? She deserved them. She'd been through so much and weathered so many storms- it was time for happiness. It was time for sunshine. It was time for beauty. It was her time to shine.

As she sat alone, with the knots of pain wounding tighter and tighter in her stomach, she vowed to let it go. She'd let it go and she'd embrace life. She'd embrace it fully and completely, and she'd live in a way she never had before.

That was the night her life changed.

My Writing

💜You Are Beautiful💜

The things that make you beautiful are not your height, or the clothes you wear, or the way you get around.

You are beautiful because of the way you follow your heart so fearlessly and boldly.
You are beautiful because of the way you chase your dreams, no matter how big they are or how high the mountain is you must climb to reach them. You are beautiful because you are unafraid to climb that mountain, despite the fact that it is tall, and daunting, and so many people are telling you that you'll never reach its top. You are beautiful because you're strong and courageous.

You are strong because you've weathered the storms that surround you on your climb. Despite the fact that the wind is howling and you're trapped in the rain, you keep walking, you keep climbing, you keep going. You keep fighting for your dreams because you know they are worth it. You know you are worth it. You know this journey will only make you wiser and smarter, and you know one day you'll look back on it and realize it was this very climb that turned you into the person you're meant to be.

So when you look in the mirror and think you're not beautiful because of your hair or because of the clothes you wear or because of the way you get around, I want you to remember something: You are beautiful because you are who you are. You are beautiful because you are unafraid to be yourself, you're beautiful because you're unafraid to be different, and you're beautiful because you're unafraid to leave the beaten path and blaze your own. That's why you're beautiful. It has nothing to do with clothes, or hair, or anything else. You are beautiful because you are you, and you're never alone. Never.

My Writing

💖A Letter to My Angel💖

💖Hi sweet Kate💖

Miss you so, so much. You have no idea how badly I wish I could wrap my arms around you and hug you so tightly. I miss your beautiful smile, your heart made of kindness, love, and gold, and the way you were always so positive about everything. I miss everything about you. So, so much.

How are you, sweet, beautiful girl? I picture you on horseback, riding down streets of gold and air peppered with light. I see your smile; in my mind, you're wearing that beautiful blue dress with the sparkly rhinestone top you wore the night we met. I hope you're happy. I hope you know how loved you are, and I hope you know you will never be forgotten.

You feel so far away, yet I know you're here. I feel your presence, so beautiful and strong. You were the beautiful butterfly on the door yesterday; you were the majestic eagle we saw on the lake at the beginning of the summer. You're the masterpiece that is the night sky; you're the light that shines from the stars, so bright. You're gone, but you're always here. Always in my heart. So far, yet so near.

Somehow I know it wasn't coincidence that I found the newspaper article about you yesterday as I cleaned my desk. (It looked like a hurricane hit it, I know.) It was one more way you were reaching out, hugging me, letting me know you're right here, right beside me. Thank you, sweet Kate. Your messages are beacons of light, vessels of beauty, and they both comfort me and make my day.

I love you, Kate. I love you so much and you're always on my mind and forever in my heart.

Sending you a huge hug and all my love,
Robyn 💜