Jordan: My Friend, My Inspiration

Yesterday was one of those days.

I was getting ready to leave for the football game (benefits of being in Gainesville- I can go to ALL of the home games) and I was trying to get a bag to take with me. It hung on a hangar next to my dresser, and even after I raised my wheelchair to its full height, I still couldn’t reach it. As I continued trying-and failing- to get it, my frustration and anger rose. I was trying to pick up a bag. Something so simple shouldn’t be so difficult. I shouldn’t have to fight just to pick up a bag.

I could have easily texted a friend and asked for help, but I didn’t, because of the principle of the situation. Eventually, after a few more minutes and more frustration, I got the bag- but not after accidentally breaking the hangar.

It’s moments like that, when CP makes a simple task virtually impossible, that I wish I could snap my fingers and make my disability go away. Those are the moments when I hate it, when I wonder why, of all the babies born the day I was, that I was the one whose umbilical cord got wrapped around her neck. Those are the moments when I question God’s plan.

But then, I thought about Jordan.

Jordan, the girl who immediately offered to help me learn to walk with crutches when I told her it was my goal to use them instead of my walker.

Jordan, the girl who understands what I go through in a way no one else ever has.

My friend, Jordan.

A couple weeks ago, my family and I sat tailgating outside my dorm when I saw a girl walk by, expertly wielding crutches. Even from a distance, I could see the strength and confidence she possessed. I want to be like her, I thought.

My dad noticed, too. “You could do that,” he said, nodding in her direction. “You really could walk with crutches. You should start practicing again.”

Apparently, God agreed. The next day, I saw her come in the back door. I’d been about to go into my room, but at the sight of her, I passed my door and instead made my way towards her.

“Hi,” I said. “I’m Robyn. I’m trying to learn how to walk with crutches. Could you help me?”

“Absolutely,” she said.

She spent the next half hour with me, giving me advice as I stumbled around on my crutches and tried not to bite the dust. I told her that I was having trouble finding the right rhythm- I would get ahead of myself, go too fast, and nearly trip over my own feet. “I had that problem, too,” she said. She held her crutches out to me.  “Here. Try mine.”

I did, and they were a game changer. Lighter than the ones I had been using, they were easier to pick up and put back down in time. Jordan said they’d made a drastic difference for her, too.

Hopefully one day I can stand in the sand with crutches, too.

Come to find out, that wasn’t the only thing we had in common. She also has cerebral palsy, we’re both in the College of Journalism here at UF, and we’ve even had one of the same surgeries. God, I thought as we talked, is amazing.

Jordan is a living example of what it means to be strong. She’s had ten surgeries, and over the years, transitioned from a wheelchair to a walker to a cane to crutches. Through it all, her faith has remained strong. In fact, she even credits the surgery that went wrong as what brought her closer to the Lord.

Jordan working hard in therapy.

Like me, she grew up bleeding orange and blue. Though she’d applied to nine schools, “as a die hard gator, once I got in (to Florida)  I couldn’t go anywhere else,” she says. The other added benefit of UF was its accessibility, a feature none of the other schools she applied to had. It made her transition to college easier, and now as a junior, she’s thriving. She’s a leader in an on-campus Christian ministry, and maintains her own blog, From3West, named after the hospital floor she was on when she started it. I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and I think God sent her to me as a gentle push to start working out and practicing with my crutches again. Jordan even said she would go to the gym with me- having gone through this herself, she knows what exercises to do and how to overcome challenges which may crop up.

Jordan rapping the orange and blue after surgery.

With her in my corner, this journey to becoming fully independent doesn’t seem as daunting or impossible. Now, I have someone to turn to when the days are rough or when a task is difficult. I have someone to get advice from, to learn from, to get stronger with. But most of all, I have a friend I know I can always trust count on. And that is what makes cerebral palsy a blessing: it connects me with the most incredible, wonderful, inspirational people.

I took Jordan to her first volleyball game Friday night.

Where Gators Live

It’s beginning to feel real.

Earlier today, I moved into my dorm at the University of Florida. As I sat looking around at the tubs and boxes strewn about the room, I began to envision my freshman year. Watching football games at the Swamp on Saturdays. Going to volleyball games on Friday nights. Meeting new people, making new friends, and creating memories I’ll ultimately carry with me for the rest of my life.

My dorm highlights one of the things that makes UF special: its accommodations for those with disabilities. The dorms on my floor are completely handicapped accessible. All of my furniture will be adjusted so I can reach it, a tablet controls the lighting, thermostat, and shades, the bathroom is open and comes equipped with grab bars, and there’s a lift in the ceiling I can use to move around the entire room independently. Initially, I thought the lift would carry me, but I found out today that it would allow me to walk without using my walker. Two pieces sit snugly on my sides, lifting me up and easing the weight off my feet, thus allowing me to move freely. Now, instead of having to ask someone to get me a drink, I can get it on my own. The device will provide me with a sense of independence I’ve never had before, and who knows what that will enable me to do in the future?

Also in my dorm are two “bang bars”: vertical bars that perform the same function as the round handicapped buttons often seen outside stores and other public places. These, however, are more sensitive- all it takes is a tap of my pinkie and the door swings open. They’re everywhere- there’s one for my bathroom door and the door to the hall, one outside my room that I can use to get in, and they’re even inside the elevators. There’s one bar for each floor, and a bar that will open the elevator from the outside. Opening doors has always been a challenge for me. Doing so takes all my strength and effort, and even then, I still need assistance. But with these bang bars, I can go wherever I want to go with a tap of a finger. They may seem simple to someone just walking by, but they give me a special gift: freedom.

Dorms like mine must be everywhere, right? Wrong. UF is the only school in the southeast with this type of complex; the next closest is in Indiana (where it is entirely too cold). Several schools I toured weren’t options for me because they didn’t have the accommodations I needed to be able to go away to school on my own. Someone who knew this asked me once, “So if you weren’t going to Florida, where would you go?” And that’s the thing: I wouldn’t be able to go. I would be stuck at home, taking classes online. I’ve said this before: the effects of my disability are purely physical. It doesn’t affect my intelligence, and quite frankly, I think it’s sad that Florida is the only school with these kinds of accommodations. It’s the twenty-first century. An accessible university shouldn’t be a needle in a haystack. It should be as common as handicapped spaces in a parking lot.

Either

She asked me

If I was going to wear my wristband in Gainesville

I said,

“Yes I am. They can deal with it.”

I may bleed orange and blue,

But it’s not the only university with a special place in my heart.

He’s a part of my life,

And I have no intention of hiding it.

You see, it brings a bigger issue to the forefront:

UF accepted me.

All of me.

My fears,

My hopes,

My scars,

My dreams.

And they made me realize something:

People either accept me,

Or they don’t.

They either understand that I have a passion for sports,

Or they’re not true friends.

They either handle the fact that I use a walker,

Or they’re not people I want to be around.

They either accept that my cerebral palsy has built me into who I am

Or they don’t deserve a place in my life.

Mixed Emotions

I picked up my cap and gown Thursday, and that was when it sunk in.

I’m graduating in two months.

Even though I’ve known for months the day when I’d toss my cap in the air and move on to the next stage of life was coming, the realization that my days in high school were numbered was jarring. In two short months, the routine I’ve grown used to, the people I see every day, watching sports with my family…. all of that is about to change.

My AP Literature class on the first day of senior year. (Photo courtesy of my awesome teacher. 😉)

And I’m feeling a little conflicted about all of it.

On one hand, I’m incredibly excited. In just a few months, I’ll be a student at the school I’ve loved since I was a little girl, and the dream I’ve had since I was six years old will come true. (We’re still working out details, but me going to UF looks promising.) I can’t wait to be on that campus every day and be surrounded by people who have as much passion for the orange and blue as I do. I can’t wait to jump into college life and begin gaining the knowledge and experience I need to be successful. I found out yesterday that UF students get in free to all athletic events except football games-and football season tickets aren’t expensive- and I really can’t wait to cheer on the Gators. You can bet I’ll be at every sporting event I can make it to.

On the other hand, I’m nervous and anxious about life beyond high school. What happens if I can’t open a door on my own and there’s no one around to open it for me? Will I be able to balance the rigor of college courses with covering Florida sports? How do I find my way to classes and the dining hall? And-God forbid this happens- what do I do if I fall? What happens if no one’s around to help me get back up, or if I get hurt?

These questions bounce around in my mind and wind knots in my chest, but then I think back to my first day of high school.

I had similar fears. In fact, I was so scared that on the first day, I sat in first period with my hands in my lap so no one could see they were shaking.

I’ll be honest. That first day and the first semester weren’t the easiest. There were many times when I felt as if I didn’t fit in, and I wanted more than anything to go to another high school, the one the majority of my friends went to.

But you know what? It worked out.

I made friends, many of whom were seniors who helped me become acclimated to high school. I took journalism and joined a few clubs, and slowly, I began to feel like I belonged. As a freshman, I would’ve given anything to switch schools, but now, I dread the day I’ll have to leave. And when I think about the last four years, I think of memories I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. My W15H with Tim Tebow. Being named the Writing Club President, and running it with two of my closest friends. Junior year, walking the school’s halls as a member of our homecoming court, and then this year, being crowned homecoming queen. There were down moments along the way too of course, but they taught me lessons and helped me grow in ways I otherwise wouldn’t have.

Me, moments after being crowned Homecoming Queen. It was an incredible honor I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

My high school experience has been a ride to remember, and I have a feeling college will be similar. Will the first few months be difficult? Probably. Will I encounter challenges and obstacles to overcome? Definitely. Will the next few years be unforgettable? Without a doubt.

Note: I’m going to start posting more regularly- twice a week on Sunday and Wednesday afternoons.

More Than Just A Game

This morning, prior to Oklahoma’s Rose Bowl matchup with the Georgia Bulldogs, ESPN’s College Game Day aired a segment on Oklahoma QB’s Baker Mayfield’s relationship with Mackenzie Asher, an eleven year old battling cancer. As I watched the way he interacted with her and heard the love in his voice as he talked about her, I was reminded of what it is that makes sports so special: the way they allow people to connect with others and make a difference in the lives of so many. Tragically, Mackenzie passed away recently, and when he heard the news, Mayfield reached out to her family and told them he would be at her funeral. I love what he said there: “I’ve been able to meet a lot of special people, but I’ve never fallen for someone as fast as I fell for her…. we’re going to dedicate the rest of our season to Mackenzie.” The segment made me view him differently, and it made me fall in love with sports all over again.

I couldn’t help but think of times in my own life when sports have encouraged me and helped create relationships in my life that I’m beyond grateful for. While I was in the hospital, the University of Florida’s volleyball team was playing in the NCAA tournament. I watched every game on a laptop, and for the duration of the match, I forgot where I was. At a time when nothing felt normal, cheering on our volleyball team made me feel like myself. Because while I may not be watching where I normally did, my love for our team hadn’t changed. They were a source of encouragement and strength, because as I went through rehab, I kept thinking about how hard they had worked to get where they were. They were my motivation. But more than that, I’ve met a few of our players and coaches, and they’re all incredibly kind and amazing people. If I was ever having a rough day, I would think back to the time I spent with them, and I would have the strength and encouragement to keep going.

Florida’s volleyball team exemplifies what’s so amazing and special about sports: they give people a platform to leave a mark in the lives of others that can never be erased.

Giving In, and Gaining Freedom

For years, my parents and therapists have tried to convince me to use a wheelchair around the house and for longer distances. “That way, you can carry things, you won’t be afraid to fall, and you won’t be worn out and exhausted by the time you get wherever you’re going.” And for years, I’ve fought them, because I feared that if I began using a wheelchair, I would lose my strength. But more than that, in my mind, to use a wheelchair was to relinquish the independence I did have, and I was not about to give that away.

But then, last weekend happened. My family and I went to Gainesville for UF’s homecoming weekend, and there, God showed me two things: in order to navigate that campus, I’ll have to use a wheelchair, and He showed me that He’ll use me and my disability to bring honor and glory to Him.

I spent the morning standing at SEC Nation, taking in the sights and sounds of the pregame show. As much as I loved every second of it, before long, my legs and feet began to ache. It’s a two hour show, and by the time it ended, the pain had become much more intense. However, my family and I had planned to go to the Gator Walk (which was a nice hike from where Nation had set up) and there was no way I was missing that. So I pushed through the pain and walked. The Lord used that trek to show me just how amazing He is.

At one point, a young woman complimented my Florida shirt. Her kind words brightened my day and distracted me from the pain. I thanked her, grateful for the compliment. Not long after we arrived at the Gator Walk, she came up to me again, and asked if I was Robyn. When I said yes, a huge smile crossed her face. She told me she’d heard my story through the Tim Tebow Foundation, and that I was an inspiration. I was touched and blown away. I told her thank you, thinking that those words didn’t come close to expressing how much that meant to me. She had no idea how many times in the last month I’d broken down and cried because I felt so defined and frustrated by my disability and the things I couldn’t do. So many times I’d felt like my CP was a chain around me that I couldn’t break, yet here she was telling me she was inspired by the way I lived through it. She reminded me that our God is so powerful that He’ll use something that I was frustrated by to inspire someone I’d never even met.

We left the Gator Walk and went to lunch, and my father, knowing I was hurting and tired, offered to put me on the back of my walker and push me. Because I’m stubborn, I wouldn’t let him. By the time we got to the restaurant, I was overheated and each sent a searing pain through my feet. As I took a seat and tried to cool off, I realized that maybe my parents and therapists had been on to something when they suggested I use a wheelchair. Was using my walker worth being in pain for the rest of the day? Did I really want to be worn out this way every day?

The answer is no, so this morning, I gave in and got out the wheelchair. I’m not sure how long I spent wheeling around in it and trying to figure out how to maneuver it around the house, but by the time I stopped, I realized they’d been right. Yes, my arms were a little sore from pushing it, but a power assisted device would fix that. And I was able to stand up at my bathroom sink and brush my own hair without being consumed by fear.

But perhaps most importantly, I felt more independent. For so long, “independence” has felt like a daunting mountain that I’ll never be able to reach the top of, and today, in that chair, that mountain suddenly seemed climbable. I no longer felt defined or controlled by my CP, and for that, I’ll never fight my therapists or parents on this issue again. I still have a lot of things to figure out and a long way to go before I’m completely independent, but like 2 Samuel 22:40 says, God’s armed me with the strength to win this battle, and He’ll be with me the whole way.

This Weekend: A Poem

This weekend

I am going home.

To the place that makes me feel alive,

To the place that makes me forget about

Being different

And the things that are difficult.

I will allow myself

To be filled with joy.

I will allow myself

To have the time of my life.

Because I’m going home,

And there,

Anything is possible.

Tennessee: A Chance at Redemption

Nine first downs.

Three turnovers.

Seventeen points.

And perhaps the most telling statistic, eleven rushing yards.

Yes. You read that right. The Gators only had eleven rushing yards total against Michigan.

I’ve refrained from blogging about Florida’s opening game until now because quite frankly, I’d rather pretend it never happened.

We heard from Coach McElwain all offseason long that the offensive line was the strength of the team. More than once, he said the “Florida speed” was back. I have one question: Where was it?

Because from what I saw, our offensive line is far from the strongest unit on our team. Who knows? Maybe that Florida speed is back, but our running backs never had a chance to do anything because Michigan’s defense was right there as soon as they got the ball.

I know I’m being really critical and slightly harsh here. If you’re a frequent reader, you know I love my Gators to death. I feel terrible for writing about Florida this way. But… this is getting ridiculous. We haven’t had a solid offense in about eight years, and McElwain was hired because he’s an offensive guy. He was supposed to be able to come in and fix this mess. I understand it’s going to take some time, and we’ve been dealt a tough hand with the injuries and suspensions we’ve had since he began his tenure. But it’s been three years, and we still have a less than stellar offense. Something’s wrong, and I have a feeling if McElwain doesn’t fix it and fix it fast, his time in Gainesville may come to an end sooner than he would like to think.

Okay. Now that I’ve gotten that out, let’s get to some positives, shall we?

Here’s What We Know.

1. Felipe Franks has potential. He went five of nine for seventy five yards, including a thirty-four yard bomb to Josh Hammond on the opening drive. Could he have been better? Of course. But it was his first collegiate start. I chalked things like the fumble where he dropped the ball up to that, and honestly, I don’t think it would have mattered if Tim Tebow was under center with the way our offensive line played. From what I’ve seen of Kyle Trask and Malik Ziare, I think Franks is our best option moving forward, and I think as he plays more and gains more experience, he’ll become a lot better.
2. Our defense is the backbone of the team. They carried us through that game. No, they weren’t perfect. Yes, they have work to do, but let’s be real here: if Duke Dawson and CJ Henderson hadn’t snagged a pair of pick sixes, the score would have been a lot more lop-sided and a lot uglier. They played pretty well, especially when you consider how young of a unit they are. And they’re only going to get better.
3. We have the entire season ahead of us. That game was far from pretty, but I think we all need to keep in mind that it was only the first time those guys have played together. Like Franks, they’ll get better as they play together and gain experience. One game does not make our season, and I think we’ll see improvement with each passing week.

That being said…

We have questions to answer if we want to beat Tennessee tomorrow and go on to win the SEC East for a third year in a row.

How can we protect Franks and give him an opportunity to throw?

What can we do to get the ground game going?

What would our offense look like if Doug Nussmier opened it up and play-called more aggressively?

How can the defense continue to grow?

What can we do to begin righting the ship and take home a win tomorrow?

And perhaps the thing every Florida fan wants to know: What will we look like when we get the nine suspended players back?

We can beat Tennessee tomorrow. I truly believe that. We just have to come together, eliminate as many mistakes as possible, play smart, and be aggressive. We have the talent and makings of a successful season, and that success starts at 3:30 tomorrow afternoon. We need to take home a win, get a little confidence back, redeem ourselves, and maybe, gain a little respect.

That’s what tomorrow is: a chance for redemption.

All stats taken from floridagators.com and Scott Carter’s Twitter.

#EverythingSchool

I recently got a Twitter account (my handle is @Robyn_1513, in case you were wondering 😉) and one of the reasons I got it was so that I could better keep up with Florida sports. To be honest, I’m on there entirely too much, but one of the things I’ve noticed is that a common hashtag in Tweets about UF is #EverythingSchool, because of our success in multiple sports. This past weekend reaffirmed that.

The weekend kicked off-literally-with our women’s soccer team defeating top ranked Stanford 3-2. Minutes after the match ended, Florida’s volleyball team began a set with Texas, who was also ranked number one. While I wasn’t able to catch the soccer game, I did watch the volleyball match, and let me tell you, those girls looked fantastic.

They didn’t play as if it was the second game in the season at all. They moved about the court with confidence and trust in one another, and they fed off the electric energy from the 7,523 people packed in the newly-renovated O’Dome. The bond between the girls was evident from the beginning, and it didn’t take long to see that the 2017 Florida volleyball team is a force to be reckoned with.

We took the first set 25-16, going on a 10-3 score run towards the end to secure the victory. The second set was a little closer- the final score was 25-23. By the end of the second set, Rhamat Alhassan had racked up six kills, while Rachael Kramer was responsible for five. One of the things I was most amazed and impressed by was how high they could jump- Alhassan’s highest vertical at the time was 30.5 inches. Much higher than I could ever jump.

We headed into a fourth set after dropping the third 25-18, and while it too was tight, there was no way our girls were going home with a loss. Somehow, despite the fact that they’d been playing for over an hour, they came onto the court with the same fire they’d started the night out with. Carli Snyder also played a key role in the win- not only was her hitting solid, but by the time the match ended, she’d served a team-high six aces. She’s developed so much since she was a freshman, and I’ve enjoyed watching her grow into being not only an incredible player, but into a leader, too.

One of my favorite things that night was seeing the pure joy and excitement on the girls’ faces after we won. They’ve worked so hard practicing and preparing for the season, and to see them overflowing with happiness made my night. I’ve met a few of the girls and one of our assistant coaches, and I can tell you that they’re even better people than they are athletes. They made me feel welcome and showed me so much kindness, and I can’t wait to go down to Gainesville in October and cheer them on in person.

Callaway Out for Season Opener

Late in the afternoon on August 13th, Florida head coach Jim McElwain announced that seven Gators will be sidelined for Florida's season opener against Michigan, most notably junior wide receiver Antonio Callaway.

Last season, he started eleven games for the Gators and became the first Florida player since 1996 to score a rushing, receiving, punt return, passing, and kick off return touchdown. He's obviously talented, but lately it seems more talk has been about his life off the field than on, most recently his involvement with credit card fraud. Perhaps it was this latest incident, the news of which broke yesterday, that led McElwain to suspend him.

What It Means
A daunting task just became a little more daunting. However, on a more positive note, it gives other guys a chance to step up and shine. With Callaway out, another wide receiver has the chance to gain valuable experience, show Coach Mac-and all of Gator Nation-what he's made of and how he can play, something that will only make him-and the entire team-better in the long run.

My Thoughts
I think this was the right decision. This suspension shows Callaway that there are consequences to your actions, an important and invaluable lesson. Obviously, we want to leave Arlington with a win under our belt, but what's more important is helping him learn from his mistakes and grow as an individual. Winning is important, but it isn't everything. I think we also need to remember that Antonio Callaway is one guy, and one guy does not make a team. Yes, losing him hurts, but we have other playmakers and other stars who will carry his weight and (hopefully) lead us to a win.

What are your thoughts on Callaway's suspension? How do you think this will affect us?

Note- The six other players suspended are James Houston, Kadeem Telfort, Keivonnis Davis, Jourdan Smith, Ventrell Miller, and Richard Desir-Jones.

All stats taken from FloridaGators.com