Where Gators Live

It’s beginning to feel real.

Earlier today, I moved into my dorm at the University of Florida. As I sat looking around at the tubs and boxes strewn about the room, I began to envision my freshman year. Watching football games at the Swamp on Saturdays. Going to volleyball games on Friday nights. Meeting new people, making new friends, and creating memories I’ll ultimately carry with me for the rest of my life.

My dorm highlights one of the things that makes UF special: its accommodations for those with disabilities. The dorms on my floor are completely handicapped accessible. All of my furniture will be adjusted so I can reach it, a tablet controls the lighting, thermostat, and shades, the bathroom is open and comes equipped with grab bars, and there’s a lift in the ceiling I can use to move around the entire room independently. Initially, I thought the lift would carry me, but I found out today that it would allow me to walk without using my walker. Two pieces sit snugly on my sides, lifting me up and easing the weight off my feet, thus allowing me to move freely. Now, instead of having to ask someone to get me a drink, I can get it on my own. The device will provide me with a sense of independence I’ve never had before, and who knows what that will enable me to do in the future?

Also in my dorm are two “bang bars”: vertical bars that perform the same function as the round handicapped buttons often seen outside stores and other public places. These, however, are more sensitive- all it takes is a tap of my pinkie and the door swings open. They’re everywhere- there’s one for my bathroom door and the door to the hall, one outside my room that I can use to get in, and they’re even inside the elevators. There’s one bar for each floor, and a bar that will open the elevator from the outside. Opening doors has always been a challenge for me. Doing so takes all my strength and effort, and even then, I still need assistance. But with these bang bars, I can go wherever I want to go with a tap of a finger. They may seem simple to someone just walking by, but they give me a special gift: freedom.

Dorms like mine must be everywhere, right? Wrong. UF is the only school in the southeast with this type of complex; the next closest is in Indiana (where it is entirely too cold). Several schools I toured weren’t options for me because they didn’t have the accommodations I needed to be able to go away to school on my own. Someone who knew this asked me once, “So if you weren’t going to Florida, where would you go?” And that’s the thing: I wouldn’t be able to go. I would be stuck at home, taking classes online. I’ve said this before: the effects of my disability are purely physical. It doesn’t affect my intelligence, and quite frankly, I think it’s sad that Florida is the only school with these kinds of accommodations. It’s the twenty-first century. An accessible university shouldn’t be a needle in a haystack. It should be as common as handicapped spaces in a parking lot.

Mixed Emotions

I picked up my cap and gown Thursday, and that was when it sunk in.

I’m graduating in two months.

Even though I’ve known for months the day when I’d toss my cap in the air and move on to the next stage of life was coming, the realization that my days in high school were numbered was jarring. In two short months, the routine I’ve grown used to, the people I see every day, watching sports with my family…. all of that is about to change.

My AP Literature class on the first day of senior year. (Photo courtesy of my awesome teacher. 😉)

And I’m feeling a little conflicted about all of it.

On one hand, I’m incredibly excited. In just a few months, I’ll be a student at the school I’ve loved since I was a little girl, and the dream I’ve had since I was six years old will come true. (We’re still working out details, but me going to UF looks promising.) I can’t wait to be on that campus every day and be surrounded by people who have as much passion for the orange and blue as I do. I can’t wait to jump into college life and begin gaining the knowledge and experience I need to be successful. I found out yesterday that UF students get in free to all athletic events except football games-and football season tickets aren’t expensive- and I really can’t wait to cheer on the Gators. You can bet I’ll be at every sporting event I can make it to.

On the other hand, I’m nervous and anxious about life beyond high school. What happens if I can’t open a door on my own and there’s no one around to open it for me? Will I be able to balance the rigor of college courses with covering Florida sports? How do I find my way to classes and the dining hall? And-God forbid this happens- what do I do if I fall? What happens if no one’s around to help me get back up, or if I get hurt?

These questions bounce around in my mind and wind knots in my chest, but then I think back to my first day of high school.

I had similar fears. In fact, I was so scared that on the first day, I sat in first period with my hands in my lap so no one could see they were shaking.

I’ll be honest. That first day and the first semester weren’t the easiest. There were many times when I felt as if I didn’t fit in, and I wanted more than anything to go to another high school, the one the majority of my friends went to.

But you know what? It worked out.

I made friends, many of whom were seniors who helped me become acclimated to high school. I took journalism and joined a few clubs, and slowly, I began to feel like I belonged. As a freshman, I would’ve given anything to switch schools, but now, I dread the day I’ll have to leave. And when I think about the last four years, I think of memories I’ll carry with me for the rest of my life. My W15H with Tim Tebow. Being named the Writing Club President, and running it with two of my closest friends. Junior year, walking the school’s halls as a member of our homecoming court, and then this year, being crowned homecoming queen. There were down moments along the way too of course, but they taught me lessons and helped me grow in ways I otherwise wouldn’t have.

Me, moments after being crowned Homecoming Queen. It was an incredible honor I’ll remember for the rest of my life.

My high school experience has been a ride to remember, and I have a feeling college will be similar. Will the first few months be difficult? Probably. Will I encounter challenges and obstacles to overcome? Definitely. Will the next few years be unforgettable? Without a doubt.

Note: I’m going to start posting more regularly- twice a week on Sunday and Wednesday afternoons.

Blind Faith

Since I was six years old, it's been my dream to go to the University of Florida. I've always wanted to live in Gainesville-my favorite place on this planet- and truly be able to say, "I'm a Gator." But now that the time has come to start applying to schools, I'm not sure if I even want to submit an application.

You see, despite the fact that I've taken the ACT twice and the SAT once, my score isn't that great. It's not terrible, but it's not amazing, either. And since I made my first B last semester, my unweighted GPA is no longer a 4.0. Knowing that the chances of my getting into UF are slim, I haven't looked up when their application is due or what all they want in it. I don't want to get my hopes up just to have them shot down.

I want to make something clear: I'm not afraid to fail. That's not it at all. I don't want to set myself up for heartbreak. Because if I apply and then I find a letter in my mailbox that says, "Thank you for applying. However, we unfortunately cannot accept you at this time" my heart will shatter. I'll be crushed. If that happens, that means I'll have to sit there and watch my dream slip from my fingertips.

Yet I can't help but think God's put passion for the Gators in my heart for a reason. I can't help but think there's a reason I love Florida the way I do and Gainesville feels like home. There are no accidents. He does what He does for a reason, and He's got a plan that is good and perfect. There's a reason applying to UF has come up twice in as many days. There's a reason a little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering, "What if? What if it works?" In the words of one of my favorite Rascal Flatts songs, "I've seen You make miracles, and hopeless dreams come true/ You made the heavens and the stars/Everything/Come on, how hard would it be…" If He created this beautiful Earth, He can help me get into a college… Right?

Somehow, just writing this has helped calm the tumultuous wave of emotion I've been feeling. I'm not sure if I'll get in, but there's only one thing for me to do: Try. Take a breath and trust God. Sometimes, you have to take a leap of blind faith.